regret

twenty years ago I was committed to living a life without regret.

now I realize the naivety of that position, and that I could likely fill a page or two–or ten–with the things I’ve done, said, or chosen that I now truly wish I hadn’t.

perhaps this is simply the wisdom that comes with age (that is so very hard to type, this acknowledgment that I have absolutely aged), with wider perspective, with greater awareness. regardless of its origins,

it has led me to a place of surrender. to truly accept that all is as it is, and to understand that my trying to make things happen is rarely helpful to anyone. to accept that my role right now is to be aware, insightful, patient, grateful, generous, and loving. to have those intangible, oh-so-difficult-to hold-onto things we call trust and faith.

to have a deep trust in the universe. I’ve tried it the other way, and now I surrender.

so far, it’s feeling pretty good. I hope that my list of regrets will stay at its current length, that I’m done adding to those pages.